Ramblings Part 2

I've mentioned several times that she was the only person I have ever met that could strike up conversations (sometimes several) with other drivers on the way to work. I can't begin to tell you how rare this is in Southern California where traffic jams get people in a frenzy. People just seemed to love to interact with her, on any level. Even bill collectors would talk to her for hours. Before the call was over, she'd know the names of all children, home town details, etc, etc. It was almost embarrassing!

I tell ya',. I would not be here typing right now if it weren't for her brother Ron and his wife Josephine. They've been very supportive over the last few weeks and every time I basically turned into soup, they'd pick me up by my collar, dust me off and give me a shove in the right direction... which, basically, my Wife did for me for the last 2 and a half decades. Ron and his wife basically came over, rounded up all of the firearms in the house (I've mentioned my collection here several times) and convinced me to stay with them for a week, or as long as I required.

I find myself gazing at old couples walking together and picturing my wife and me in their place. Since none of you have really ever met me, you probably don't know that I've always been painfully shy "in person". As shy as I am, the day of her funeral (5/16), at a McDonalds, of all places, I approached one of the older couples I saw and pleaded with them to give each other the tightest hug they could bare.

Of course, the husband looked at me like I was nuts (which, at this point, I am) but when I explained what had happened, the wife said they'd been married for 50 years, got a bit "teary eyed", grabbed her husband and gave him a huge hug and kiss on the cheek. Once again, I crumbled into a pile of steaming goo (as I have a couple times while writing this note). The people with me, gave me a little help out to the car and off to the funeral we went. I pray that I didn't ruin that old couple's day.

My wife was soooo looking forward to our Son's wedding next year (7/7/7). She was always asking him "When are you going to make me a grandma?!". The title most women dread "Grandma" was to be her most cherished title. At 45, she really didn't look or act much like a grandma. Just a few grey streaks here and there. Each of which, she was very proud of.

She loved everyone. Period. She opened her heart to anyone in need. Since she was so giving, it hurt her very badly when her love was rejected in any way.

Well. I could go on and on for hours (and probably make less sense as I go along) but I have soooo much to take care of right now that I had just better "buck up", stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with life. Of course, right now, I see very little reason to live another minute but she'd hate to hear me say that so I have to force myself to survive.

Please don't take this wrong but.. I haven't had a chance to read many. I've just been so worthless these last few days and my computer was the farthest thing from my thoughts.